I think life is a constant process of asking those questions. For each season, there might be a different answer.
This "season" has been a season of no's. Each time I ask God if He is leading me to something, I feel like he is saying "No Christi, wait". Wait for what? I've been waiting and nothing is happening. What do I need to do to prepare? What if I miss what I'm waiting for? But, I continue to wait.
We have been and are being challenged in our marriage, in ministry, in parenting....all the areas of life that require attention. It seems I want to do things I shouldn't, but the things I need to do, I don't.
After asking all those questions, I'm realizing that what I'm doing right now is what I am supposed to be doing. God is shaping me. He is breaking me down. He is showing me that I'm not here to please others. I'm not here to have "things" or do things but to learn from Him. Through all of these challenges, I am becoming more dependent on Him. I am growing. I am becoming a new person.
As I am becoming "different", I am trying to figure out who I am all over again. It seems to be constantly evolving. I think that's a good thing. Instead of waiting for the next thing, I am trying to embrace where I am right now. I am saying "no" to things right now. I am making conscious choices about life situations. But, through all of that, I am growing. I am maturing. He is shaping me to be who He wants me to be and not necessarily who I thought I should be. He knows me to my core..more than I know myself.
Psalm 139:1-6
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,too lofty for me to attain.
He's shaping you too. So...wait for it. You might just be in the middle of your formation process and not realize it. You are fearfully and wonderfully made!
~Christi~