We are looking at some challenges in marriage this week. To view previous posts, click HERE, HERE and HERE :) And let me remind you that I in no way think we've got it all figured out. We are learning along the way. Marriage is constantly a work in progress!!
So, today I wanted to talk about the challenge of spending too much time together. This is like Brandon and I. We are best friends. We love to spend time together- but sometimes that can lead to "disconnect" from the outside world.
If I don't get time with my friends, I start to want to dive into Brandon's life because mine is just plain boring. I want to add my opinion on how he handled a certain situation or what I think needs to change at work....things that are really not my place to interject my opinion on.
Vice Versa- if Brandon has not had time away to have fun with the guys or play sports- he begins to nit-pick what I do during the day and how I could improve. Men need that time!
If you get caught up in having too much quantity of time and not enough quality- you can become bored in the relationship.
There have been days I have to force myself not to call because I know that instead of having 5, 5 minute conversations throughout the day about nothing, I'd rather have 1 quality conversation about the day that night.
Spending time away can bring longing for one another as well as mystery and intrigue.
Now, I'm not talking about leaving for 2 weeks or anything- but just spending some time in a different environment can help you see the big picture and keep you from smothering your spouse.
I really think this is more of a struggle for women than it is men, but I would dare say some men struggle here too. Women tend to be more insecure and sometimes we become so dependent that it turns into a naggy or whiny state. I have been there. I know what it's like to feel insecure in your marriage.
We have to give our spouse some space!
It will be so worth it in the end. When you do get your quality time together- it will be so much better than the forced quantity of time. Don't just be around each other because you don't want to be alone- but actually because you want to be around your mate!
Encourage your spouse to have friends. To play sports. To have hobbies that interest them. Don't nag your husbands when they want to watch football, and men, don't nag your wives about talking on the phone too much or wanting to get her nails done:)
So, first, you make sure you are communicating and connecting, then feel free to go and spread your wings a bit. Although your spouse may not be with you physically while you are away, they can be with you in your thoughts and feelings.
Then, when you come together- have a blast together and share about your time with your friends. Your joy will be contagious. They won't want to leave your side :)
What are your personal hobbies? Do you take time out for "you" during the week? Do you need to encourage your spouse to go have fun with their friends?
-Christi-