God speaks

Haven't blogged in a while...not for lack of anything to say, just lack of discipline to actually sit down and do it :)

I wanted to share something that happened recently. We had some surprising news with our adoption. I can't go into details but basically we had to switch agencies. This is a pretty big deal. We had spent a year with our agency...praying with them, e-mailing, and we knew their system really well.

We found out about this big switch right before Brandon left on a mission trip to Ecuador. That's important because on one of the days he was gone, I went into a downward spiral. My thought life was so negative and full of fear..."This adoption just might fall through"..."You will probably lose all the money that's been given so far"...."you have wasted all this time"...and on and on. By the end of the day, listening to these thoughts all day, I was a wreck.

I had a friend send some scriptures about God closing doors and opening them. I know this is the case, but I wanted the door we were walking through to stay open. I didn't want to go through another door. Do you know what I mean?? I was basically pouting.

I never sleep well when Brandon's gone either.Something about him not being right beside me just doesn't feel very comforting.

So, after fretting, and crying, and praying for a while, I finally told God that I will follow Him wherever He leads.Even if the adoption fell through.Even if it's different than the path I thought we were on.

I was broken. I was throwing my hands in the air and saying "I'm tired of holding on to this so tightly and I'm ready to give up control". I fell asleep about 12:45am.

The next day, I woke up to find an e-mail from a high school friend that I haven't seen in 15 yrs! We had connected on facebook and she said that I might think she's crazy, but that God had woke her up at 1AM and put us on her mind. He showed her some scriptures to share with me. I will share them with you.

1 Chronicles 22:13 "Be strong and of good courage. Dread not and fear not; be not dismayed. "

Deuteronomy 1;29-30 (where Moses speaks to the children of Israel about their enemies dwelling in the promise land): "Then I said to you, Dread not, neither be afraid of them. The Lord your God goes before you, He will fight for you just as He did for you in Egypt before your eyes."

Hebrew 2:10 says Jesus is your pioneer. When something seems impossible or unpleasant, trust your pioneer to go before you and pave the way.

Those words spoke directly into my situation. It was as if God was standing right in front of me telling me not to worry. He is our pioneer. He is leading the way for us! He sent an unlikely messenger to me to let me know that He's in control. Don't miss the fact that I went to sleep at 12:45AM and she woke at 1AM. It humbles me to think that he cares about me.

He cares about YOU too.

What's He saying to you? Are you listening? Are you giving Him full control? Are you letting Him lead the way? I know I will. He's our pioneer! Do you need to take your hands off of a situation and let God take over?

If God Speaks, I'm listening :)

~Christi~

Feeling Overwhelmed?

Got anxiety? Stress? Well, I guess we all do at some point in our lives, right? But it doesn't have to be that way! I learned that the hard way.

We've had a lot of good things (and not so good things) going on lately. I realized a few weeks ago that I was having trouble sleeping, I was being irritable (on a daily basis), and that I was just plain not feeling like myself.

When I got to the breaking point (read: tears shed and lashing out too many times), I decided something had to change. For me, for my family, and for my husband or I was going to push us over the edge! Now, I'm not trying to sound dramatic but it did amaze me how anxious I let myself get before I tried to do something about it.

Here is what I did (and I feel tons better already):

1) Prayed about it. Really to the broken point. Letting God know that I need Him and that I realize I need to give up control (which is an area I'm still working on)

2) Talked it over with my husband (that guy is the real deal! He's so supportive! LOVE him!). Let all my fears, anxieties, etc. out. Talked about what I was feeling and why.

3) Decided/Realized that I needed to let some things go in my life...even things that I love or enjoy. That is the tough one. It's easy to let go of things you hate-but things you love are hard to give up.

4) Cancelled certain commitments or responsibilities- I tried to "free up" my calendar as much as I can so I can focus on my family, my health, etc.I'm still looking to see if there is anything else I need to let go of.

Sometimes even the good things in life can be a weight on us. Feeling like you have to be at this place, or at that place, etc. We are not meant to feel in "bondage" over our responsibilities. I know that a lot of us are busy. I sure don't want to sound like I have so many important things going on. Brandon describes it as "emotional energy". I was out of that. I didn't have any more "emotional energy" to give because I was fully depleted and my mind was working overtime.

Here is the Twitter quote Brandon posted yesterday that spoke to me once more on this subject: Stressed about life, family, or job? That is the belief that your circumstances are more important than God's idea rejoice/don't be anxious

I woke up today with almost a completely FREE week and it feels amazing. I can't tell you the difference between this week and the last few.

Is there something you need to stop doing? Something taking up too much of your time? Have you ever felt overwhelmed? What have you done to "lessen" your load? What do you do to de-stress?

Jacob's Ladder

As I stated earlier, we just got back from a micro-mission. Brandon and I had been prayerfully seeking a mission trip for both of us this summer. Although, we wanted to take our family back to Monterrey, MX, we felt like God had something else in store. We thought about Sierre Leon, Haiti and then NY. We ended up in Chandler, OK (only about 45 minutes from where we live!). Kind of ironic, huh?
We learned that sometimes we want the "big thing" and our example of a big thing is totally different than the Lord's. We didn't need to fly away to make a difference. We had a GREAT experience at Jacob's Ladder and want to go back!

Our group of about 20 completed 10 bunk beds, worked on roofing, framing, and windows. We did landscaping and mowing and tree clipping. Most importantly, we bonded together as one from all over the US, for one common goal. We worked as a team. We also bonded with God. To see Him move in so many different people's lives is completely cool. To be able to serve alongside my online life group women was humbling.
Has God shaken you up lately? Has He met a need in a way you didn't expect?

WOW

Wow...that's all I can say about this past weekend! I will probably be posting a ton about our past 5 days. 5 days? That's all? It seems like we made so many memories and did SO many things in only 5 days.

I wanted to tell you all about yesterday. We went to Lifestock which is an annual celebration held at a local amusement park. We had about 3000 Lifechurch.tv attenders from the local OKC campuses.

It was HOT, but it was a ton of fun. We had roller coasters, yummy food, a concert, and then baptisms. Baptisms are where I get all choked up. There were over 300 people that got baptized. That means that about 10% of the people there were taking their first step as a Christian and being baptized.

The picture above is of 2 of my online life group women getting baptized. What a privilege to get to be able to witness this! :) Rachel is from Maine and Kywanna is from Illinois.

It was one of those days that just confirms why the Internet campus exists. It was such a reward to meet these women in person. They are on the plane right now as I type. Write some encouragement to them below!

I will share more about the mission trip we went on a little later. It was such a positive experience. We can't wait to go back next year! We were so proud wearing our "Internet Campus" shirts around:)

Burnout

Ministry- it is challenging, humbling, a huge responsibility, rewarding....it can also be very tiring and demanding.

Lon talked about burnout on his blog. Here are 4 things he quoted, from a book he just read, that might help you stay away from burnout.

1. I am not invincible. I can get sick, sin, and weary. 2. I am not immortal. I am going to die. 3. I am not indispensable. The kingdom keeps going without me. 4. I am not an island. I need friends around me.

Out of those 4, I personally struggle with #3 and #4. Brandon struggles with #1 and #4.

Also, here is a great article from Relevant magazine talking about "burn out" in a different way.

Are you feeling "burned out"? Do you struggle with a certain area? How do you overcome burnout? What are your warning signs of burnout?

Relationships (pt. 4)

The spiritual relationship

Ok- that title sounds weird but I'm not sure how to label a relationship with God. Brandon and I both have personal relationships with Christ and we experience that in a different way. I will let him share about his :)

For me- my "salvation" started with rules and regulations. I was the do-gooder type. Then I transitioned to more of a grace relationship where I realized I don't have to be perfect. I try to keep a balance in between those. I think I am called to obey and do what's right, but God still loves me either way. Sometimes, in certain seasons, I tend to lean more towards one side or the other.This is a relationship that I am challenged to put more time into. Honestly, I know that I should spend more time with God to cultivate this relationship. That sounds so generic or rigid but that's the truth. I can write about marriage and friendships all day but honestly this is one relationship that I am still growing in.

Are you a Christian? What does your relationship with Christ look like? Are you more of a rule follower or are you more comfortable with your actions? When have you felt closest to God? When have you felt most distant? Do you see God as a best friend? or more of a Father?

Ramblings of an Internet Pastor's wife #2

I don't take criticism well. I try to mask the hurt, but later go home to cry by myself or vent to Brandon. I especially don't take criticism well when it concerns my husband or my kids. Even when people talk about things dear to my heart, I can easily get defensive.

When we first started the internet campus, criticism was overflowing. People said it wasn't REAL church. That it was a trend or a phase. That we were a cult. That there was no community online. That you have to have physical face to face meeting times or it wasn't true fellowship.

I admit, I did not fair well with any of it. In fact, I got out my mama bear growl and began to defend the Internet campus, my husband, and my church. I would comment on blogs (or in my mind at least!), I would talk about it with whomever wanted to. Even people from our church were critical. They didn't mean to be- they just didn't understand it.

I came to the conclusion that I don't need to defend it. God called us to it, we should let Him handle it. It is not our job to convince people that we are legit, that God is legit. It is so freeing to not worry about what people think! God is a big God. I love that he meets people right where they are!

People in this world will not understand- but God does. He sees the big picture. He doesn't need me defending him. He desires me to serve Him and love Him. Pretty sure I can do that:)

Stay tuned for this weeks blog entries- we are having some guest bloggers from the Internet Campus and I can't wait for you to "meet" them!

Do you love the unlovable?

Do you love the unlovable? If I think about that question, I would usually say "YES!" as my first response. I do love to reach out to those that are alone, or new, or that seem to need being reached out to. But that's about as far as I go. I have the "gift" of hospitality and love to make people feel comfortable. Most people would say I am generally friendly. But again, that is as far as I go.

I have heard recently about a guy that drives about 30 minutes out of his way to pick up a man for church that cannot attend on his own. I know someone who wakes up every Friday morning at the crack of dawn to serve the homeless. I know someone in California who picked up their rude, old neighbor every Sunday and drove them to church. I have never went that far!

I love to reach out- but I don't embrace. I don't shepherd. I don't go past those initial few meeting times. I love to get people "set up" and then move on to the next person in need. I realize there are qualities in all of us that are needed. Some people may not enjoy the first impressions but love the one on one consistency. Some people may not reach out at all and it's all totally out of their comfort zone.

So, that's my question- Do you LOVE the unlovable? What does that statement mean to you? How would you define "loving" them?

Ramblings of an Internet Pastor's wife......

Roll back about 3 years....we are living in California, really praying about moving back to Oklahoma, but unsure what that would mean. Brandon talks with Lifechurch.tv (he used to be the youth worship leader). They mention an "Internet campus". We are totally unsure of what that means. An internet campus? Hmmm, what's that?

We move back to the sooner state about 6 months later and the Internet campus begins in the planning stage (Sept 2005). Then, 6 months later, they start running test drives in March. Then, in the summer of 2006, the IC is launched!

At first it was all new and exciting. Then there were tech issues and ways to try and figure out how to make "community" online. And there were critics...there still are critics actually. It was lonely! (still is at times). It was fun being on the ground floor but there still was a part of me that felt it would get old eventually. I miss going to church with my husband! I miss hugging people in the lobby.

Flash forward to Sunday, March 30th, 2008. I get to volunteer on the IC on Sunday mornings. In the 11:30am experience, I met a wonderful woman from Malaysia, a man from India, a lady from Ghana, a man from Turkey, a man from Egypt and a teenager from the Philippines (the same area of the Philippines where Brandon and I went to 15 years ago on a mission trip!). The conversations were inspiring, intriguing, and insightful.

I keep pinching myself wondering when or if I will get tired of it. It hasn't happened yet and I don't see it happening anytime soon. It's so exciting to be in the center of God's will. To KNOW that He had things planned for me, for us, is beyond understanding. He has a plan for ALL of us! 3 years ago, we never would have imagined what this "Internet campus" entailed. That's probably a good thing because we had a much smaller picture! I'm loving the spot we are in. We have ups and downs and highs and lows, but overall, it's completely humbling to see God at work all around. I don't want to sound like we have it all figured out or that we have "arrived". Just trying to express our gratitude that God cares for each of us individually.

Don't give up if there is something new you are feeling led to lead! You are probably going right where you need to be. You will look back in a few years and see what he planned for you and that it was good! Do you feel like you are right where you need to be? Getting there? Are you loving this season of life?

The Inconsistent God vs. The Inconsistent God (3 of 3)

PART THREE - STEP OF FAITH

We have seen the two definitions of an "Inconsistent God." We have also seen that we have substantial evidence to consider as we decide which definition we believe. Of one thing we can be certain, only ONE idea can be true, and each of us live our lives in a way that exposes which one we believe.

To conclude, I would like to explain the role of faith. Putting your confidence in either idea of the "Inconsistent God" will require a step of faith. The role of argument and evidence can clarify and show us good reason to put our faith in one, but in the end that final step is a step of faith. This is the step many have not taken. There are many Christians who claim to be followers of Jesus, yet their actions expose a trust in something other than God. There are atheists who claim to believe there is no God, yet there actions and decisions will not follow through fully with that profession. Professing to believe, wanting to believe or hoping to believe is weaker than actually believing something. Believing it is resting in it. This is where faith is seen. You can say you believe that a chair will hold you up, but the way you sit in that chair will be an indicator of your faith in it. Your posture will give you away. The same is true about your faith. You will live what you truly believe.

I like the analogy of the bridge to show how faith and evidence work together. You can learn everything there is to know about a bridge; every detail, how much it holds, how big it is, what it is made of, where it leads. You can know everything about it and have good reason to believe your information is very accurate, but to take a step (even for a bridge expert) on that bridge and cross it is still a step of faith. Faith gets you to the other side. The knowledge and evidence gathered just helps you gain confidence in taking that step of faith. This is where I try to direct my discussions with people whose views differ. Talking and learning everything about a bridge is easy (and enjoyable for a few of us nerds), but taking a step on that bridge is a much bigger deal. It will define our morality, our beliefs, our actions, our lives.

How does this affect your life? your discussions?

The Inconsistent God vs. The Inconsistent God (2 of 3)

PART TWO - EVIDENCE VERSUS PROOF

We saw in the first post how only one of the two ideas of an inconsistent God can be true. In fact, one must be true. Simply put, either there is a God that is a reality even though a mystery, or there is no God. They can't both be true. We can also determine that one is definitely true (there is or is not a God...simply put). Since the implications for each affect how we view the world and how we act, it is pretty important to find out which one is true. So, is there a way to know which is true? Can we be sure?

Here are some thoughts about proof versus evidence. There is no way to conclusively prove EITHER "Inconsistent God" to be true. Now this could be a little rattling of a statement for many of you, but here are some good thoughts to pull away from this. My personal belief is that definition number one is true, that there is a very real, very personal God. Many people who share that belief feel the need to be defensive about their belief in God. They feel the need to prove every aspect of His reality, but the burden of proof does not rest on definition one. Those who believe there is no God must share the burden of proof. They have some explaining to do. This is where sound evidence comes to play. This is not discounting faith (which is the topic of part 3). Instead, it is the ability to have foundations for your faith. This happens all the time. We can not conclusively prove the earth will continue to go around the sun tomorrow, but we have strong evidence to believe it will. We can weigh the evidence that is available. Of this there is plenty. For example, you will find compelling evidence that touches the intellect (logical arguments, scientific evidence, historical evidence, philosophical arguments, etc.) and the emotions (personal encounters and experiences). Each of these are valid and very telling.

Why is this idea of evidence so important to realize? Well, for me it has been a huge revelation. As a Christian, I believe in a God that loves humanity so much that He made a way for mankind to be connected to Himself, even though mankind had no way within themselves. I believe his fingerprint is evident throughout our world. I can't prove my view to be true to every person with a different view. I can offer my experiences and my intellectual evidences for what I believe to be true. I can talk with intellectual integrity using a mind that engages science, history, philosophy to support my belief. I can talk with confidence about my personal experiences, feelings, and stories. But, in the end, evidence and arguments do not prove God. They give us strong reasons to believe. I can and must leave the conclusion of the evidence with the person who asks. Each of us must draw our own conclusions and weigh the evidence for ourself.

Have you struggled with having an answer for someone? What is the strongest evidence which supports your belief in the "Inconsistent God?"

The Inconsistent God vs. The Inconsistent God (1 of 3)

PART ONE - ONE WORD, TWO IDEAS

I have to thank Jimmy's post for bringing up this word, inconsistent. I have been thinking about it's definition in the context of "An Inconsistent God." In this series I am going to look at two ideas from this one word and the crucible of faith it reveals. Sound fun? First, we will have a look at the definition:

Inconsistent
Displaying or marked by a lack of consistency, especially:
a. Not regular or predictable; erratic
b. Lacking in correct logical relation; contradictory
c. Not in agreement or harmony; incompatible
I really love the definition of inconsistent because it I think it accurately depicts two totally different ideas we all have of God.

1) Inconsistent God - (not regular or predictable; erratic; lacking in correct logical relation) This is the mysterious God who can never be fully understood or explained, who does not fit into our logical perspective...into our natural world. He is the one that created it and is far above it. He is the one who is omnipotent (all-powerful) and omniscient (all-knowing). He is somehow completely sovereign while honoring the free will of man. He is completely good but allows and lives with evil. He is the one who intervenes in humanity yet sometimes seems far away. His decision to do one or the other can never be predicted even close to 100% accuracy. He is perfect in all his attributes, even attributes that seem to be at odds like justice and mercy. Deeper understanding about him, leads to a deeper awareness of the depth and breadth of his mystery. He is the inconsistent God.

2) Inconsistent God - (contradictory; not in agreement or harmony; incompatible) This is the God that simply does not work. He is a contradiction when seen clearly. He is incompatible within his own definitions. He is a figment of the imagination of men to create some sense of hope or purpose outside of this existence. He is NOT reality, but available as a crutch for those in need. He is the inconsistent God.

I think this is one of life's biggest crucibles of faith...all in one word! In fact one of these definitions can catch most of the world's belief in God. The problem is many people will live a life that will jump back and forth between the definitions. Never sold out to one or the other. But both definitions cannot be true at the same time. Only one can be true!